Zim Looks For Batteries 2: Meltdown
by Familiar47
Summary: Zim is back and his pack has been stolen again by a mercenary gang that takes no prisoners. With tensions high Zim must call upon his skills of being a total maniac to regain his PAK before time runs out for him. Possible mentions of ZAGR...potentially.


Zim LFB 2: Melt Down

_In the aftermath of Zim's city wide rampage to keep his emergency PAK running, a group of bounty hunters plot to eliminate the Irken on the orders of the Tallest. The race is on as Zim not only has to save his PAK from destruction, but he must also keep the poison within him from spreading by constantly charging himself._

Xxx

"Doo-dee-doo-dee-doo-doo-" THWACK! "Ow!"

Loe the Irken Hacker rubbed the side of his head. "Why'd you do that? Lok never hit me when I hummed!"

"Well I'm not Lok," Loe's new captain replied coldly.

The Captain was a Yanteran female. She was bipedal, and was taller than Loe by nearly two feet! She had a slender build, and her skin was a sort of soft tan sand color where it wasn't covered by scales. The scales were a rusty brown. The top of her head was covered by thick brown locks of hair that she kept tied back in a braid that reached her shoulders. Her eyes, all four of them were dark green.

Her arms were tipped with two fingers and a thumb, all of which had a wicked sharp claw on the end. There were ridges that made make shift natural bracers on her arms, with a sharp extension tapering out into a single blade sharp point that went past her elbows. When her arms were straightened, her elbow and upper arm fit perfectly into the curve of the ridge. She was attractive for one of her species.

"Now get your lazy ass back to work and-Oh by the goddess I swear if you're taking your pants off behind my back AGAIN I will kill you so fast you won't even know until you're resuscitated." Captain Taneek Ralan of the Independent Bounty Hunter ship Havoc's Haven growled. "Now get the following word out. We have a new mission."

"We're going on a coffee break?"

"No, and I told you to stop asking for one." Ralan growled. "We've been given a mission by the Tallest to finish what Zim's little PAK fiasco started."

"We're gonna corner the market on energy expenditure and spend the money on coffee?"

"NO!" Ralan seethed. "We're. Going. To. KILL. ZIM!"

"...Wasn't that title already used?" Loe asked.

"Wrong story you retard."

"Oh, sorry." Loe paused. "Stupid question, but why are we going to kill Zim? And how the florp are we gonna succeed?"

"He has been deemed far too dangerous to be allowed to live by the Galactic Coalition...which is the only thing my people has ever agreed with the Irkens on." Ralan said. "We only have one condition on how to do it: we have to remove his PAK and make it slow as possible, coupled with some Custogan venom to make it extra painful."

"Hey I heard what happened the last time somebody removed his PAK!" Loe paused. "Oh wait, I was there! Some food drone won fifteen trillion monies!" He fell to his knees. "WHY DID I BET AGAINST ZIM! WHY?"

"Get up before I eat your eyes."

"Deal." Loe got up. "So...Custogan venom?"

"Yep, it's actually a synthetically modified venom from the actual Custogan beast. Nanites will absorb his body energy and use it to power the venom as it slowly burns him from inside out." Ralan grinned. "It will be bloody."

"Ooh...I'll invite Kay and Lok!"

"Lock what?" Half a dozen crew members looked up.

"...just like old times." Loe sighed happily.

Xxx

Zim was walking along. "Ah, another glorious day of waffle filled bellies!" He sighed. "It makes the almighty Zim think back to his days as a little Zimmy smeet."

_Flash back..._

"_I AM ZIM!" A smee trushed around, a flame thrower in hand as he set fire to everything in sight._

"_Aw he's just so cute!" One Irken cooed before being set on fire. "THE CUTENESS HURTS!"_

"_I know!" A security guard added. "I want to stun him and viciously beat him with my stick thing, but he's just TOO cute to hit!" A moment later he was set on fire also._

_End of flash back..._

"Ah yes...Zim is bored now." Zim reached his house. "It is time for my next evil plan to finally rid the universe of the human race! MINIMOOSE!"

"SQUEAK!" Minimoose flew up...wearing a frilly pink apron and a tiara.

"...Minimoose, why are you wearing those things?" Zim asked.

"Squeak!" Minimoose pointed to a table that had been set up in the middle of the living room. There were three seats set up around a tea party.

In one seat was a familiar pink eyed Smeet. "HIYA ZIM!"

"Huh? Kay-Maniac? What are you doing here?"

"I dunno! I was sleeping and I woke up here! Ask Lok."

"Lock what?"

"ZIM! LET ME OUT OF THESE CHAINS!" Lok, who was tied to the second chair roared.

"What are you doing here and what are you trying to lock? Zim will find out eventually almighty nameless one!" Zim pointed an accusing finger at Lok.

"Damn it Zim, she kidnapped us!"

"She? She who?"

"She _me!_" The third chair turned, revealing an Irken zim's height with pink eyes and wearing a pink uniform. She was wearing a Tiara like Minimoose was, and was sipping soda out of a tea cup. "And you Invader Zim, are my target!"

"Target?" Zim leaped back. "YOU'RE AFTER MY ROBOT BEE!"

"Zim, nobody cares about your stupid robot bee!" Lok growled. "Her name is Klee! She's a bounty hunter you idiot, and she's more messed up than Kay, Hellion, and you put together!"

"Bounty hunter? Zim did nothing to have a bounty placed on him! YOU LIE! YOU LIE ALMIGHTY NAMELESS ONE!" Zim shouted. "You're just jealous that my robot bee cost more than your ship!"

"After you broke my ship I used the insurance to buy myself one worth ten times as much as your damn bee."

"Oh yeah! Well my first bee broke, and I got a new robot bee, which cost fifteen times as much as the first bee, which means this one costs...5.93742382 times as much as your ship!" Zim held up his robot bee with pride.

"...I just know your math got screwed up somewhere along the way Zim."

"Okay, I'm bored." Klee stood up. "Sorry Zimmy boy, but I wanna get paid."

"Oh yeah? You're gonna have to catch me first!" Zim declared. "Computer! Tunnel system!"

Suddenly many holes opened up in the living room and kitchen. Zim hopped down one ,and the hatch closed behind him.

"What the-?"

Zim popped out of one hole. "Hello!"

Klee grabbed for him, but he vanished back into the hole and popped up behind her. "Too slow!"

Klee lunged, but he vanished again! He appeared next to her. "I AM ZIM!"

She tried to grab him ,but he slipped out right under her arms and vanished into the floor before he hang upside down next to her. "You're so cute when you're slow!"

Klee growled.

"Zim you fool, don't antagonize her!" Lok warned the wannabe Invader.

"Oh what's the worst that could happen?" Zim asked as he appeared next to Lok, not noticing that Klee's eyes turned bloody red, her teeth grew longer ,and her hands turned into large claws.

"What could happen? What could happen?" Lok growled.

"RAWR!" They both looked at what appeared to be a demonic sort of Irken that towered over them.

"THAT COULD HAPPEN!"

"...Nameless one?"

"What now?"

"I think she has a condition?" Zim looked at the Demonic Klee. "Did you take anger management classes? They are essential for all Irkens. How do you think I lost my attitude?"

_Flashback..._

_BOOM!_

_Zim roared. "That'll teach you to lecture Zim!"_

_He held what looked like a large rifle/flame thrower/rocket launcher/chainsaw/jackhammer/acid gun, firing into a crowd of panicking Irkens. "I AM ZIM! I AM ZIM! I AM ZIM!"_

_End of flash back_

"Boy I was crazy in those days." Zim shook his head.

"You're still nuts!" Lok said.

"And you keep on saying you're gonna lock something but won't ever reveal your name, so you're one to talk!" Zim snapped...unaware of Klee until she punched him so hard that alternate versions of himself felt it in other universes.

Xxx

"Doo-dee-doo-doo-doo...hm?" Carlos paused in mid step. "I sense a disturbance in the Carlos!"

He looked around, slowly drawing a flame thrower out of his Limitless Mass Storage Pants. "Alright...where are you...?"

He spun. "GOTCHA- meep." He stared as a massive Demonic Irken _thing_ lumbered down the street towards him. Carlos twitched and looked to you, the audience.

"I knew the author would screw me over like this-"

SPLAT!

He was crushed under one of Klee's truck sized feet. Klee moved on, and in one hand she carried a PAK.

Kurt walked up and looked down at Carlos. He delivered a single kick to Carlos' motionless body.

3...

2...

1...

DING-DING-DING!

"KURT!" Carlos leaped up. "I should have known you would be spineless enough to send a giant demon alien after me! You're treachery knows no bounds! Well let me show you this buddy! I shall not rest until you DIE!" He whipped out another flame thrower.

Kurt rolled his eyes and ran off with the Pyromaniac in pursuit.

"Get back here! Hold still! Watch out for that-"

CRASH!

"My bad! Sorry! DIE KURT!"

Xxx

Zim opened one eye.

"Wow, glad I wasn't in your position Zim." It was the almighty nameless one!

"What. Happened?" Zim sat up. "Thoughts. Slower. Back, to talking, like, that, Captain of, ship, I, still, am, looking for!" He stood up.

"Uh...Zim?" Lok, who was now untied from Klee's tea party of doom cleared his throat as he collected his weapons from where Klee had dumped them under Zim's couch.

"Yes. Nameless. One?"

"Your PAK's gone."

...3...

...2...

...1...

...DING-DING-DING-DING

"PAK! GONE!" Zim shrieked. "EMERGENCY PAK! EMERGENCY PAK NOW!"

"_**Emergency PAK coming up."**_

As the Computer placed a secondary replacement PAK on Zim's back, the alien asked. "Do we, have, sufficient, battery power, to, survive?"

"_**The Charging Station blew up, remember?"**_

"And you didn't fix it?" Zim shouted, powered by his emergency PAK.

"_**You were supposed to do it a week ago. Dumb ass."**_

"Uh...hey Zim?" Kay tugged on Zim's sleeve.

"Yes Little Kay-Maniac?"

"This might be a bad time but...Klee injected you with uh...this." Kay held up a small needle. "I don't think it looks good."

"Computer! Run a scan of Zim's amazing anatomy and find this serum Klee-Devil has injected me with!"

"_**Scanning...oh snap."**_

"What is it? TELL ZIM NOW!"

"Zim, shut up and it'll tell you." Lok said firmly.

"_**Irken Zim has been infected with...Synthetic Custogan Venom Variant."**_

"Oh snap!" Lok said. "Damn, sucks to be you man! That stuff will convert all of your body and PAK energy and use it to make your death as painful as possible!"

"What? Nameless one you might give up but Zim does NOT give up! Zim has overcome much worse than this!"

"Oh yeah? Name one time!"

Xxx

**Ten seconds later...**

"And I still got away with it!" Zim chuckled.

"...what? Zim I asked you to name one thing worse than being poisoned and PAKless. You just stood there and then just said 'And I still got away with it'!" Lok said.

"I have no time for this! I need energy and a way to counter the poison! Computer ,SUGGESTIONS!"

"_**Custogan Synthetic Variant is designed to only activate once all of body energy has been drained. A constant reserve of energy until central synthetic control unit dies of power loss will counter the virus...then again most Irkens can't survive touching not one, but three giant reactors in one day."**_

"So be it them, Zim shall once again indulge in the habit of absorbing the electric power of the puny humans!" Zim declared. "And Zim shall beat this poison and regain his PAK, even if he must touch not one, nor three, but TEN massive reactors!"

"...Ah florp." Lok sighed.

"Hm...must get power soon! Power down to ten percent!" Zim said. "Need, power, now! Energy core, need energy core!"

"_**What? Wait, if you absorb the energy core you'll deactivate the entire base-"**_

"SACRFICES ARE NECESSARY!" Zim roared and ran off. "MAKE WAY FOR ZIM!"

...

"Hey Lok, let's get everybody on the phone! They gotta know Zim's at it again!" Kay said, grinning.

"...That is so crazy...so stupid...it might just get me enough money to pay off my pizza and Play Irken orders!"

Xxx

Ten minutes later, a single message went out to the entire Irken Empire from Lok's brand new ship, the Omni-Hunter, which lay in orbit over Earth.

"HEY EVERYBODY! ZM'S LOST HS PAK AGAIN AND IS GOING ON ANOTHER TRIP FOR MORE ENERGY! BETS ALL AROUND!"

It took ten minutes, but suddenly for the second time within a month, every planet watched as Irken fleets suddenly turned their cannons away from their defenceless homes and made for Earth.

The Massive lead the main body of the Armada as the Irken race flooded the solar system, all set for Round Two of Zim's Energy Rampage.

Xxx

"Welcome! We are the Tallests of the Irken Empire! I'm Red," Tallest Red started.

"I'm Purple!" Purple added.

"Last time you saw us we were taking bets on how long it would take Zim to shock himself to death. That is no longer the case. He has once again lost his PAK-which is a very irresponsible thing for an Irken by the way, and now we're going to watch him suck up every volt of power from the planet...uh...name?"

"Earth." Purple whispered.

"Earth!" Red finished. "And now...TAKING BETS!"

"Do you think it's a good idea to bet on Zim surviving this time?" Purple asked.

"Well look at it this way Pur. We bet on him, he lives, we win tons of cash. We bet on him, he loses, it's no skin off our scalps, and he dies!"

"I'm just remembering how much money that guy Bob won off the last one." Purple said. "Last I heard he was making his Anti-Irken Empire Group somewhere beyond the outer rim."

"Ah we'll probably never see him again anyways." Red scoffed.

Xxx

"Yes! Build! Build more so we may use it against the corrupt Irken Empire!" Emperor Bob shouted to the collective of Irkens and other aliens who had joined the Bobylonian Empire. They were operating out of a massive space station, churning out dozens of ships and thousands of troops each day.

"Revenge shall be mine Tallests! I SWEAR IT!" Bob laughed maniacally.

Xxx

"Yep, we'll never see him again." Purple agreed.

"Better hope he dies this time. I made another bet with Skullene. If he wins, she and Shen will be allowed to breach the uh...Mating Law without punishment." Red cleared his throat. "Skullene wants to uh...take advantage of her fertility."

"And make some Vortian Irken cross freak? EW!" Purple hissed. "DIE ZIM! DIE!"

Xxx

"OPEN UP! OPEN UP!" Zim wailed as he banged on the door to his base's power core.

"_**Negative! User override, Irken Zim is threat to base! Access to power core denied!...in other words, bite my giant metal ass!"**_

"Grr! Why I let you watch Futurama I'll never know! Only inspires robot defiance!" Zim growled. "Forget you then, Zim shall absorb energy by consuming the human's disgusting earth filth! GIR! Take me to the human restaurant _Bloaties_. The Gaz-future concubine frequents it, perhaps it may provide Zim with sustenance!"

"Awww...you wuv Gazzy!" Gir giggled.

"What? Gir, enough crazy talk, take Zim to Bloaties or...I'll eat your piggies!"

"NO!" Gir wailed, and then snapped to Duty Mode. "Yes my lord!"

He grabbed Zim and shot up through the roof, leaving a hole shaped like himself and Zim.

"OW! MY SUPERIORLY HANDSOME FACE!" Zim shouted.

Xxx

Gaz Membrane munched on the last piece of pizza in the box while her three friends: Olivia, Sophie, and Victoria sat around her. They were her only three friends from Skool, and despite her hateful attitude they put up with Gaz and even liked her. They especially liked Bloaties Pizza, so the group ate together whenever they went. It gave Gaz a way to go without relying on her dad to bring her-and drag her stupid brother along.

"So yeah, he made out with Tak-" GULP! "Twice in one day," Gaz smirked. "You shoulda seen her face."

"Since when did Zim become a ladies' man?" Sophie asked.

"Beats me," Gaz shrugged. "Ever since then he's just been doing the usual. Trying to take over the world...and failing epically."

"Hey, isn't Zim the guy with green skin?" Victoria asked.

"Yeah, so?" Gaz gulped down the last piece of pizza.

"Well it looks like he's flying on some green-"

CRASH!

Suddenly Gir shot through the front doors and slammed into the counter. He slid down, leaving Zim with his face stuck in the counter's side. He struggled and peeled his face off.

"..Yeah, that's him." Gaz said.

"GAZ-FUTURE CONCUBINE!" Zim shot to his feet. "The almighty Zim's almighty PAK has been snatched away by some hideously ugly pink eyed demon! Zim needs sustenance to survive! He must have food! And sugar! And energy!"

Gaz sighed. "Oh boy, not again."

"Soda!" Zim locked onto Gaz's soda. "Gaz-Concubine ,would you give your future love-pig your soda?"

"No." She replied simply, and took a sip.

"Pretty please?"

"Nope." Another long sip to torment Zim.

"Not even if I promise you a robot death monkey?"

"I hate monkeys." SLURP!

"Very well then Gaz human!" Zim grabbed Gaz, lifting her out of her seat and set her in front of him. "You have forced the all powerful Zim's mighty fist of doom! Now I shall use my newest, most dangerous weapon to force you into relinquishing your soda and your very free will!"

Gaz snorted. "Bring it, short stuff." She was taller than Zim by a few inches after her last growth spurt.

"YOU DARE?" Zim howled as electricity shot out from him and caused some appliances to shorten...and drained his PAK to one percent charge, making it wail like a siren. "Oh no! Zim's awesome powers of electricity have shortened out the PAK! Need soda, NOW!"

He grabbed Gaz. "Must. Neutralize. Human defences!"

"What are you- mph!" Gaz's world stopped as Zim did what no man should have the balls to do...

He kissed her right on the mouth, open mouth actually. She felt his tongue...and did not even react, just stood there, eyes open and her friends watching in shock and awe as Zim took her soda and then chugged it. He sighed and gave it back to her. "Thank you for giving me your soda and tasting so delicious future concubine number one! Zim must now get more!" Zim rushed up to the counter as Gaz toppled over. "YOU! Pizza faced human! Surrender to Zim your pizza!...oh, and make it meat free."

"Whatever." A spotty teen groaned, ringing up an all veggy pizza for Zim. "Want a drink with that?"

"Yes! Ninety nine Poop-Colas!"

"That'll be $120.00."

"Cash or credit?" Zim asked, pulling out a wallet and emptying hundreds of dollars he had collected out onto the counter...along with what looked like jewels and even golden crown or two.

Xxx

"What's with the 'electric powers'?" Red asked.

"Oh well you two were too busy crying your eyes out last time to notice," Admiral Envon commented. "Zim seems to have been uh...gifted with electro kinesis as a side effect of his rampage to obtain large amounts of energy."

"How the florp do you get powers from that?"

"Don't ask me, I'm not the author." Envon paused. "And Skullene, I swear if I turn around and you're making out with that Vortian slug again I'll-" He turned...and by then Shen's shirt was off and the couple had moved into the next room. "...gross."

Xxx

Dib hummed as he walked into Bloaties Pizza. "Doo-dee-doo-doo-doo...what the-?"

"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" Multiple humans shouted, surrounding Zim as he drank dozens of Poop-Colas.

After his ninety ninth, he shouted. "MORE!"

"Uh...all out little man." The Cashier shrugged.

"MORE! NEED MORE! NEED MORE POWER!" Zim shot to his feet, electricity crackling around him.

Why did this seem familiar?

"DIB!" Gaz suddenly came out of nowhere and grabbed Dib by the throat. "Your stupid alien friend KISSED me. He did the one thing no man is allowed to do Dib and I swear if you had anything to do with it I will doom you so hard you won't even know until I tell your clone in six months!"

"What? Kissed?" Dib looked to Zim, who was looking at his power meter, which read 30 percent.

"MORE! MORE POWER! Zim shall not die today!" Zim leaped off the table and rushed out of the restaurant.

"Did he lose his PAK again?" Dib asked.

"Yep," They looked over and saw...Tak! She was drinking a soda, which she seemed to do ever ytime somebody saw her as of late. "I'm just glad he didn't get me. Now you know how I feel Gaz-Human, oh wait I mean...Gaz-Future Concubine Number One."

Xxx

"POWER!" Zim was leaping from roof tops, propelling himself and leaving a trail of energy behind him. "MUST HAVE POWER!"

"Look at that!" A bystander shouted. "It's a bird!"

"It's a plane!" Another shouted.

"How dumb are you people? I'm barely thirty feet up!" Zim shouted...not noticing a certain caped figure flying hundreds of feet over him as he went over a street.

"What the heck was that?"

"It looked like some extremely rude kid with a skin condition!"

Xxx

"I've gotta do something! Zim's terrifying the city again!" Db said as he shot down a street on his motorcycle.

"Maybe I can help!"

Dib looked to his left and saw, riding what looked like a hover-motorcycle...Lok! "What the- Lok?"

"Hey somebody got my name right, finally!" Lok said. "Here's the low down! An Irken Bounty-Hunter tried to kill Zim. Instead she just stole his PAK and injected him with some synthetic alien venom! Now he has to keep his power levels up or he'll die a horrible and slow death!" He paused. "OH and watch out, DOG!"

They both screamed and swerved around a dog...Dib went right into a pile of trash while Lok's motorcycle spun around until he went flying off and landed safely with his PAK legs.

Lok sighed. "I managed to land safely...finally some good luck!"

Xxx

"I'll get him for this!" Gaz snarled as she marched down a side walk.

"It's your own fault. One thing I've learned from being a victim of his uh...energy rampage is that you never drink soda slowly in front of him while he is looking for energy." Tak lectured her. "Like I said, now you know how I feel. Now I'm making an effort to hide the soda and never drink while he's in sight."

"You'll be making an effort to breathe in ten seconds if you don't shut up." Gaz threatened the Irken.

"There's one small problem with your plan," Tak gulped.

"What?"

"ZIM!" Tak pointed up...just before Zim landed infront of them, energy crackling off of him.

He was gasping for breath. "Energy. Soda. Kirk-Human. Still talking. Like human. Hidden Starhip. Can't find. Stupid ship. Bounty hunter. Kill! KILL!" He paused. "You! You two always have soda! Give to Zim!"

"Uh...I got nothing ,sorry Zim." Tak backed away, as did Gaz.

"You lie! YOU LIE! I SMELL IT!" Zim hissed, going on all fours and sniffed the air. "Poop-cola! GIVE IT HERE!" He lunged at them.

They both dodged Zim...who flew right through a wall...and into a soda machine. With a victorious cry he began to force it open. "Soda-soda-soda-soda-VICTORY FOR ZIM!"

They both watched him.

"Was he this scary before he came to Earth?" Gaz asked.

"Not by a long shot," Tak shook her head. "Gah, I have a headache, I seriously need a drink."

And then she made the worst mistake of her life...

She pulled out a can of soda labelled 'X-TREME SUGARY SODA'. She opened it.

_Crack-hiss!_

Zim stopped and slowly turned his head 180 degrees without turning his body...which was very freaky by the way. "Soda...sugary goodness!"

Tak paused. "Oh crap, I just did it didn't I?"

"Yes you did!" Gaz, who had moved 50 feet away shouted.

"SODA!" Before Tak could try to run, she was caught for the THIRD time in a lip lock by Zim, who held it for 30 full seconds and then released her, letting her collapsed as her holographic human eyes rolled back into her head. Zim stood over her with her soda...and a pack full of other sodas.

"That was for providing Zim with so many sodas Tak," Zim grinned as he sipped one soda...and his eyes snapped open and his jaw dropped. "I sense...poison user...my senses...so powerful! This soda...so, much, SUGAR!" He chugged it and then all thirteen of the other Soda cans. "!" (Wow I feel so awesome I can do anything!)

Zim looked down at Tak. "!" (Thanks Tak you can be concubine number two bye now!) He then ran off so fast that he left a path carved into the street and made windows within thirty feet of him shatter and electronics malfunction. "ZIMMY-ZIM-ZIM-ZZZZZZIIIIIMMMM!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!"

Gaz walked over. "So...how was that one?"

"...not as bad as the other two times actually, he's getting better."

Xxx

"Okay, the transfer is complete," Klee said to the holographic image of Captain Ralan. "I'll be off of this planet within the hour. Is the PAK secured?"

"It is, all we must do is stand by and watch Zim slowly die." Ralan chuckled.

"Good, Invader Klee signing off-"

BOOM!

"What the-?" Klee and her dozen body guards spun, drawing weapons as explosions came from outside.

"Contact the perimeter guard!" Klee ordered.

"No response ma'am!"

"Damn it, get ready!"

They all took up positions in the middle of the warehouse as something began to pound on the main entrance. The soldiers shook with fear as hand prints appeared in the metal, followed by foot prints. For a few moments it all stopped.

The soldiers looked around.

One sighed n relief. "Phew! For a second there I thought we were all gonna die-"

CRASH!

The door was suddenly blown open, and a single figure leaped through. As the smoke cleared ,a pair of bright red Irken eyes glared at the gathered guards as an insane smile formed on the owner's face.

"Here's...ZIMMY!" Zim leaped out of the smoke.

"Zim?" Klee gasped.

"Oh thank the Tallest, I busted through fifteen houses and the Skool before I got the right place!" Zim sighed in relief. "But now...HAI YAH!" He leaped into the air, performing multiple karate moves and then landed, electricity shooting out of him and shocking all twelve guards into a state of unconsciousness.

"Behold, I can shoot lightning from my hands for I am ZIM!" Zim cackled.

"Your powers may have grown Zim, but you are still too stupid to master them!" Klee growled.

"Oh yeah?" Zim smirked. "Then watch as I call upon Earth's most fearful natural defence!" He pulled out a radio. "Behold! The _true evil!_" He smirked and turned it on...

Klee paused, listening to it...

Xxx

"Man, where the heck could he be?" Dib asked as he Lok, Gaz and Tak investigated an alley.

"Hold on, I got a signal." Lok looked at his scanner...and gasped. "Oh no...he's done it!"

"Done what? DONE WHAT?" Dib asked.

"By the gods...let us all be IDIOTs today otherwise they shall not favour us." Lok shuddered. "He has unleashed the _true evil_ that has come from Earth."

"True evil?" Gaz raised an eye brow.

"Here's a head phone." Lok held out several sets of head phones to them, and they listened...

And shrieked in agony and pain as they listened to...

Xxx

"I. Feel. A disturbance...in the Carlos!" Carlos looked around. "Kurt, did you feel anything?"

Kurt nodded.

"Wait...Zim has gone on another energy quest? HOLY CRAP!" Carlos gasped.

More symbols.

"And this time it was taken by a bounty hunter who wants to kill him with a poison?"

Symbols!

"And now he's unleashing the ultimate _true evil?_" Carlos gasped. "Wait ,what is the true evil anyways?"

The symbols! THE SYMBOLS!

"By god-ACK!" Carlos collapsed, grabbing his throat. "I forgot I can't say that word!"

Kurt looked down at him...and quickly rearranged the chess pieces on the board so that he was closer t ovictory by the time Carlos sat up.

Carlos looked at the board. "Wha-"

Kurt moved his queen forward and made on symbol...

Checkmate.

"NOOOO!" Carlos howled. "ZIM!-!-!-!-!"

Xxx

"So...is he dead yet?" Purple asked.

"I dunno, let's watch." Red turned on the monitor...and the entire Irken race was exposed to the True Evil!

Trillions of Irkens screeched in fear and pain as they turned their ships away from Earth in an attempt to escape.

"We've been discovered! The humans are launching a pre-emptive strike against us!" Red wailed. "Fall back to a safe distance!"

They all fled behind Pluto.

"Hopefully that will kill Zim too!" Purple shuddered.

"I'd bet he unleashed it!" Envon growled.

Xxx

Zim looked at Klee ,who was twitching on the ground. He turned off the radio and smirked. "Fall before the power that is...Hannah Montana!" He cackled evilly. "Only truly someone crazy and deranged could stand something like this without frequency filters!" He then removed the metal attachments he had put on his antenna.

"And now Klee-Demon, give Zim the PAK and antidote or I shall raise the volume back up to a level that you will never recover from!"

"Alright! Alright! I'll talk!" Klee sobbed. "Just don't make me go through that again!"

"Good, now, who the florp has my PAK?"

"Captain Ralan!" Klee whimpered. "She was hired to steal your PAK and poison you!"

"And where is she?"

"I don't know! We were supposed to meet up after I left."

Zim growled, electricity crackling. "Find out where she is or the music of Montana will scar your very soul! SOUL!" He hissed the last word in her face.

"AHHHH!"

Xxx

"Hm...why did I feel a sense of dread just now?" Lok asked as his group passed by a destroyed metal fence surrounded by unconscious alien guards disguised as humans.

"No doubt about it Zim was here, this is where he unleashed the True Evil." The Hunter nodded and moved through a destroyed gate where they found Klee rocking back and forth whimpering 'I want my cold unfeeling robot arm' over and over.

"Wow...he messed her up bad." Lok whistled.

"Montana music." Gaz hissed.

"I'd better get her to a mental hospital," Tak sighed and helped Klee up.

"Are we gonna go see robot Arm number 73?" Klee asked.

"Yes, yes ,whatever, let's go!" Tak dragged her outside. "Good luck finding Zim!"

"What? But how the hell are we going to do that?" Lok asked.

"Follow the path of destruction!"

"But I like the path of laziness and nachos! Lots and lots of nachos!" Lok called.

"I don't care!" By then Tak was outside.

"Ah great, well come on let's try and find the retard before he kills somebody else's sanity."

Xxx

"Must get into space. But how? Voot is destroyed. No ship available...wait...of course!" Zim rushed into the park, where he followed a signal to a cloaked ship...

The Omni-Hunter! The decloaked ship was easily ten times as big as the Para-Hunter and much deadlier. And now Zim was in the cockpit...

Where Kay was reading a magazine. She looked up as he came in. "Oh, hey Zim-"

"Hai!" Zim too ka stance. "If you do not give me the keys to this ship and get out I will fight you kung-fu style!"

"Well the keys are in the ignition but...I'm chained up incase you haven't noticed." Kay gestured to where Lok had attached her to a chair.

"Okay you have two choices then. You come along and be my side kick in and adventure that could involve gruesome deaths...or I unchain you and you get out."

"Ooh! I wanna come along!" Kay grinned.

Xxx

Lok looked up as the Omni-Hunter appeared over the horizon. "The ship's launching?" He opened al ink. "Kay, what's going on wit hmy ship? Kay..Kay? SNAKE!-I mean KAY!"

There was no response.

"Oh no...no, no," Lok shook his head. "No, no, no-ZIM! It's gotta be Zim! He stole my ship! _Again!_"

He growled. "Get me a ship, I'm gonna go kick his ass!"

"Uh..." They all looked at Dib. "I may still have Tak's ship in my garage..."

"Give it to me or I will do what Tak and Zim both fail to do repeatedly: I will mess up your planet even more than you already do." Lok growled. "I will boil your oceans. I will make dogs and cats live together! I shall paint your cities red! And then, and only then will I finally get the the good stuff and blast your planet apart from orbit!"

"Uh...its in my garage, the keys are in the ignition."

"I'm going too! It's my ship!" Tak said.

"I'm going so I can kick Zim's ass." Gaz growled.

"Oh you just want him to make out with you two again." Lok rolled his eyes. "But whatever, hurry up!"

"Ooh, I wanna go too! I wanna see what your new ship looks like!" Dib ran after them.

Xxx

"There..." Zim hissed as the Omni-Hunter approached Ralan's ship, Havoc's Haven. "Prepare to face Doom at the hands of...of...oh man I'm low on juice." He staggered over to a power conduit and forced it open. He then grabbed the cables and allowed himself to be shocked.

Ignoring the wailing alarms, he drained the entire ship of energy. The Omni-Hunter's engines died and it began to drift.

"Uh..Zim? You kinda took all the main power." Kay said.

"Really? WowIsureamdumb!" Zim said quickly. "Now. Get PAK back. Ohthatrhymed! Nice! Nice-nice-nice-nice! PAK! RALAN! KILL!" He rushed to an air lock and donned a set of EVA armour. Triggering the mechanical controls, he opened the inner door and stepped in, shutting it behind him as Kay watched while sipping a milkshake.

"Wow...this will be good." She said as Zim opened the outer door and shot out into space, his PAK's thrusters pointing him towards the Havoc's Haven.

"Prepare to be doomed by the Zimmy hands of the almighty Zimmy!" Zim shouted. "Oh and Kay, you might want to get off that ship. Without the main power that ship might drift into the atmosphere and result in a fiery death...SEE YAH!"

"But you didn't unchain me!" Kay wailed. "COLD UNFEELING ROBOT ARM! HELP! I HAVE TO GET BACK TO KAY JR!"

She began to cry as the ship fell towards Earth...only to be grabbed in the Tractor Beam of a Voot Cruiser that passed by. "What the-?"

The Voot pulled to ut of orbit and attached to it. Slowly the pilot cut nto the hull and came down, revealing her saviour...

"Hi!" Skoodge said simply.

"YAY!" Kay cheered as he cut her loose. "My hero!" She hugged him.

"Aw it was nothing." The chubby Invader said with a smile.

Xxx

Ralan chuckled as she and her command crew shared a toast. "Here's to the mercenary life. Let this mission allow us all to retire and-" She paused as a proximity alarm sounded. "What the-?"

"...I am ZIM!-" CRASH!

"What was that?"

Suddenly something stomped along the outer hull until t reached an air lock. There was a single 'ding' and then Zim leaped inside, taking a dramatic pose. "Be in fear for ZIM is here!"

"You!" Ralan drew a blaster.

"Yes! It is Zim, and Zim is here to take back what is his and eat nachos! And I don't see any florping nachos!" Zim growled as he advanced on the crew.

"Uh...is he high?" One crew member asked.

"I'm high...I'm _Zimmy._" Zim grinned.

"Uh...yeah, he's high." Another crew member said.

"FOOLS! You shall meet a fate even worse than that your pathetic assassin!" Zim hissed.

"Oh yeah? What's the worst you can do?"

Zim smirked and pulled out an odd looking gun.

"Uh...what is that?"

"A worm hole generator. And now you shall see another being far more terrible than you could imagine." Zim fired.

Ralan threw herself out of the way, but the command crew was drawn into a worm hole that led to places unknown. Zim tossed some walnuts in after them before it shut.

Xxx

The dozen or so aliens looked around the blank white room they had ended up in.

"Hey...is that a moose?"

CRUNCH! CRUNCH!

"AH! IT'S AWFUL!" They began to wail and shriek as the moose crunched away on the walnuts, ignorant of its guests.

Xxx

"And now, you're going to answer a question." Zim said. "Where the florp is my _PAK!_"

"You'll never find it Zim! I have hidden it within this ship, and you'll never find it even if you turn the whole ship upside down!" Ralan laughed.

"Then I have no choice...GIR!" Zim shouted.

"Yes My lord!" Gir suddenly appeared next to Zim.

"Tap into the internal communications and open up the channel to...the True Evil." Zim grinned.

"Yes my master!"

"True evil? Oh how bad can it be?" Ralan scoffed.

"You'll see."

Xxx

"When I get my hands on that little maniac I am going to rip him apart! This will take hours to fix!" Lok growled as he looked at the command deck of the Omni-Hunter.

"Get in line." Gaz said blankly.

"Well, at least I got the power core back on line." Lok sighed. "We'll be there in ten minutes-"

"Incoming communication link from Havoc's Haven." Larry the AI yawned.

"Open it up," Lok paused as an image appeared. "Uh...is that Zim's retarded robot Gir-"

Suddenly the most horrible music in the world started playing.

All occupants of the Omni-Hunter began to scream.

"TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!" Gaz shouted.

Lok cut the link. "...That was the most evil thing I've ever experienced...I think t's safe to say Zim is torturing them."

Xxx

"Now, I'll ask you again, where the florp is Zim's PAK?" Zim growled.

"Okay! I'll talk! I'll talk!" Ralan whimpered ,curling up on her side. "It's under the command chair!"

Zim used his electric powers to vaporize the chair and picked up his PAK from the hole left under it. He took off the support PAK and put his primary one on. He sighed as his power levels went back to full charge. "Ah...the natural order has been restored."

"You may have your PAK Zim," Ralan wheezed as she got up. "You may be a more fearsome opponent than I first thought, but you will not escape alive."

"Why don't you just die already?" Zim yawned.

"I have locked down every exit to this ship and set it on a crash course for the sun!" Ralan cackled.

"Uh..." Zim looked out the main screen to see...the sun! "Oh florp, this is gonna hurt." He looked around. "Wait! Ideas..." He picked up his secondary PAK and attached a cord from his main one to it. "If I can convert the emergency PAK to intake heat energy, perhaps, and just perhaps if I connect it to the ship's shield systems..." He went to work on jury rigging the galaxy's biggest solar panel. "Must survive!"

Xxx

"They're heading for the sun!" Dib said.

"Thank you Captain Obvious." Lok rolled his eyes. "So who votes we let Zim burn?"

"I!" Every single person and alien said at the same time.

"Ok and there they go!" Havoc's Haven sank into the sun. "...you know, I never thought Zim would go out this easily. I thought there would be a bigger BOOM-"

Xxx

"Aw man," Purple whined. "I wanted to see a big BOOM-"

Xxx

"Hm..." Carlos looked up. "Kurt my old friend, I sense something."

Kurt shrugged.

"I think..it's a big BOOM-"

Xxx

"Ah...that was relaxing." Shen and Skullene came out of the private room.

"Okay Skullene, you managed to win the bet. Zim survived past the first few shocks and hours again." Red sighed. "You and the Vortian slime have permission to make a..."He shuddered. "Hybrid child."

"Eh, I think the relationship won't last." Envon said. "It'll end in a big BOOM-"

"My Tallest!" An officer said. "Sensors are picking up something in the sun!"

Xxx

"LOK!"

"What is it Kay?" Lok hopped into the Captain's chair.

"Something is happening!" Kay said as she read the scanners. "It looks big!"

"Uh oh...get us back!" Lok ordered.

Xxx

Kurt sighed as he looked up at the sun. He said one single word. "Boom."

Xxx

BOOOOMMMMM!-!-!-!-!-!

"WHAT THE FLORP?" Lok shouted as a blinding light nearly seared his eyes out.

"Something's coming right at us!" Larry informed him.

"KAY! EVADE!" Lok ordered.

Xxx

"Hey, it looks like something is coming at us fast from the sun." Envon noted as the Massive came out from the dark side of Pluto.

"What could it be?" Skullene asked.

"A meteor?" Shen inquired.

"A fire balls?" Hellion asked.

"No..it can't be!" Purple gasped.

Suddenly something shot by the Massive, sheering off one snack pod and causing many smaller ships to burst into flames. It melted Pluto's ice entirely.

"..what the heck was that?" Red asked.

Xxx

"Wow, that was close!" Lok sighed. "But what was that?"

"I'd bet my pathetic wage on one thing." Tak sighed. "_Zim._"

"What?"

Xxx

"WOO HOO!" Zim shouted as the Havoc's Haven shot across the galaxy at unbelievable speeds.

Loe and Ralan watched him in shock as he absorbed the massive heat energy.

Loe started. "How-"

Xxx

Red spoke up. "Does-"

Xxx

Dib shouted. "He-"

Xxx

Envon stared in shock. "Do-"

Xxx

Kurt sighed. "That."

The sun blinded most of the population of Earth again for no apparent reason science could explain.

Xxx

Soon the Havoc's Haven slowed to a stop, and Zim stood before Loe and Ralan, glowing bright red and very much alive.

"Zim LIVES!" Zim shouted, the scene being transmitted by Gir.

Xxx

"No wayl...NO way!" Red said.

Xxx

"No." Dib said.

"Florping." Tak added.

Xxx

"Way!" Carlos finished. "I just won the lottery!" He held up the ticket. "Kurt I am so happy I'll stop chasing after you with intent to kill!"

Kurt sighed in relief. "OH thank god-"

The sun sent out a third solar flare...which specifically hit Carlos' ticket and made it burst into flames.

"...of course you realize, this means war." Carlos said.

Kurt face palmed. 'This is why I don't talk!'

Xxx

Gaz twitched. "How the hell was that possible?"

"I don't know...but I like it!" Kay grinned.

Lok snapped a picture. "Well, it's Zim, he never misses a que. Zim Jr will like this picture."

Xxx

"Ok, we need to rethink our bets here. Zim is alive so..." Envon paused. "Aw florp."

"What is it?" Hellion asked.

Grimrair cleared his throat. "Uh...Envon and the Tallest made another bet with Skullene. If Zim survives entirely, she and Shen get three kids without punishment and immunity from the empire."

Skullene grinned and hopped into Shen's arms. "Start looking for a house goat-boy, we'll need it."

"Awesome!" Shen grinned and they ran off to find a ship.

"..." Hellion glared at the Tallest and Envon. "Because of you three, I lost my Angel entirely...you're all on my list."

"Hey, aren't you supposed to be in an insane asylum?" Purple asked.

"I ate the employees, why do you ask?"

"...let's just go home." Red sighed in defeat.

Xxx

"Mwahahahaha!" Zim cackled. "Zim is alive and stronger than before!" Fire shot out of his limbs, melting some controls.

"What the heck? Pyrokinesis?" Loe blinked.

Xxx

"And of course, he once again gets _another_ bonus prize out of it." Lok looked at his Ascension Gauntlet. "Damn it they said you'd unlock powers for me, start unlocking before Zim outshines me!" He paused. "I suddenly realized why Zim keeps asking 'lock what'."

"Never mind that!" Tak snarled. "Get me to that ship!"

Xxx

The Omni-Hunter docked with Havoc's Haven, and Gaz and Tak rushed aboard.

"ZIM! YOU'RE DEAD!" Gaz yelled.

"Ah, Gaz-Future Concubine Number One! And Tak-Future Concubine Number Two! How you doing?" Zim asked.

"You kissed me, you're DEAD!" Gaz said as tentacles came out of her arms.

"Uh...ZIMMY!" Zim shot something at the ground, and smoke clouded the entire room.

"What the-?" Tak used her optics to spot him at the communications system. "There he is!"

Zim got on the main frequency. "Good evening everybody. The almighty Zim requests that you do not move, or he will doom you all. Now prepare...for the True Evil."

"He wouldn't." Gaz backed away.

"I would! And to add even more evil, I shall add the second true evil!" Zim cackled...

And played Hannah Montanna mixed with Justin Bieber.

"AH!" Db began to hit his head off of the walls. "THE PAIN! NO!"

"BY THE TALLEST!" Tak shrieked.

Lok sighed. "The advantage of being able to turn your antennae off."

"AH! THE TORMENT! WHY?" Gaz wailed ,falling to her knees.

"Now to escape! Goodbye Gaz-Concubine! Bye Tak-Concubine! Bye Dib-Worm. Bye nameless one! Bye crazy PAK thief. Bye green eyed geek!" Zim ran out of the ship...and hijacked Lok's ship.

"NOT AGAIN!" Lok shouted. "ZZZZ-Z-Z-Z-IIII-I-I-I-I-I-I-IMMMMMMM-M-M-M-M-M-M-M!-!-!-!-!-!"

Kay looked around, having ripped off her own antennae to block out the sound. "Hey wait a minute...where's Skoodge?"

Xxx

Bio-scan complete...

Toxins removed.

"Excellent!" A certain red eyed alien grinned.

Zim hummed as he drove back towards Earth. "Well, I now control electricity and fire and the poison is gone...all in a good day's work of fighting the enemies of the Irken Empire...but who would place a bounty upon Zim?" He opened a galactic net. "When I find out I will release the true evil upon them!" He paused as he found his bounty. "Huh? A hacker has planted the Tallests' names upon this contract! Zim shall search for this hacker and make them reveal the true identity of the offenders so Zim may punish them!"

Xxx

"Oh thank the gods; if he found out we'd be dead." Purple sighed.

"Uh...my Tallests?" An officer asked.

"Yes?" Red sighed.

"Your personal cruiser left the docking bay a minute ago. When I tried to hail it I got uh...well I'm not sure." He put it on speakers...

It was a mixture of giggles, moans, and uh...god knows what else.

"Wait...is that Skullene's voice?" Envon asked.

"And is that other one her uh...Vortian Sex-Buddy?" Purple asked.

The gears suddenly grinded to a halt in their heads.

"EW!"

"Okay that ship is suddenly worthless to me! They can keep it!" Red said, disgusted. "Screw them and their precious Vortian/Irken hybrid freak babies!"

Xxx

CRASH!

Zim fell out of the wreckage of the Omni-Hunter. He was out like a light, and unable to realize this time his crashed vessel was in one piece.

Suddenly a cloaked figure walked up to him and looked down at the unconscious Irken. IT then reached down...

Xxx

"AH! Zim shot to his feet. "Huh?" He found his secondary PAK, at full charge due to absorbing the power of the sun on his back instead of his primary one. "MY PAK! NOT AGAIN!"

Xxx

Miles away, a rather small Irken snickered evilly as he stroke the PAK. "The PAK that can survive all trials...perfect."

Bob the Food Drone grinned. "This is the key to my revenge against the empire!" He laughed maniacally. "Is that not right...master?"

Skoodge towered over the food drone. "Yes my minion. With you as the figure head for the Bobylonian Empire, I shall bring down the Irken Empire one step at a time." He smirked. "Starting with the Tallest."

The two Irkens flew off into space, plotting vengeance on the Tallests.

Xxx

End of Story!

To be continued...?


End file.
